Christmas 2011

Day after Boxing Day and I've eaten my body weight in food, god I've eaten everything, how much rubbish can I eat all in the name of celebration.

We had a different Christmas after thinking we were going to be having a very quiet time, with the kids in their own houses, but we ended up at the Fox's as Bev has recently been diagnosed with cancer of the bowel, so we spent Christmas day at theirs, but we had fun, played a few games, drank champaign and ate far too much.

Next year we will have a quiet time.

Xxxxx

Bye bye god bless little brother

Hi

Oh wow what a last few weeks!

Said goodbye to Andrew, after a long battle he lost the fight to cancer on 10 April 2011. Oh how it broke my heart, to say a finial farewell to someone I've spent my life knowing, sharing secrets, dreams & fears, it's just so unbearable. I can't believe he's gone, I'm so afraid of forgetting him in my busy days. I just hope he knows, where ever e is, that he is so missed. I just he felt loved when he was alive.

Bless you Andrew, all my love your big sister xxxx

How do you carry on?

Well after saying goodbye in a fleeting cuddle, kiss and I love you, I broke my heart. Oh I know very English..... Keeping it together, stiff upper lip etc but I figured a whaling scene was not good and certainly not help my little brother. Now how do I carry on, miles away, job, family etc. My heart is screaming stop, but I know I must keep going. I'm frightened that if everything is too normal I may forget, I don't want to forget. That smile, the laughing eyes and always being there in the background. I've always had a brother don't know how to do it without one...love you xx

Saying goodbye

Some people find hellos difficult yet the real hard part is saying goodbye to people you love, how is it done? A quick throw away see you later or a clamping of hands and arms in am embrace with tears and feelings all mashed together, hoping that someday your paths cross again, I guess the blessing is being given the opportunity to say good bye is precious enough, when sometimes you are not given the time. And how does the person know you mean it and it's a true expression of how you feel? Everyone tells you how to say hello, but know one prepares you for goodbyes.

Goodbye my brother, and see you someday I hope, when we are all at peace and warm from the comfort of our love. Bless you xxxx

My little brother

I don't know what to say, my little brother Andrew is very ill and can't be fixed, how can this be, I feel like everything is unreal. Tomorrow I'm getting on a plane to be with him, what do I say? I can't fix it, oh how I wish I could take all the pain away. I don't have a magic wand, or a magic spell, just prayers and a lot of love. I'm scared, and sad but please god give me strength. Please help me to help my little brother.......

Great weekends with friends and lovers

Oh I feel like we are climbing out of winter and leaping into spring at last, after a fab weekend with friends in Wales, spending time walking in the spring sunshine, drinking far too much champaign and eating great food, I feel that maybe things are starting to turn and you never know there may even be good times ahead, at last, fingers crossed.

But when the sunshine it makes you feel so much better, even leaving work it's light, finially out of the darkness. Just need the temperature to get warmer too, perfect. But please please a good summer. But guess that means Easter, so it's the start of lent, spring boarding into a diet plan. So the ABC starts on Ash Wednesday, it's not that I'm religious, it's just I'm in desperate need of. Strict detox. So starting Wednesday it all starts, but it's a great way to shape up for the warmer weather. Then the defluffing starts, the eyelash tinting, pedicures, etc etc. All in the pursuit of making me look a little better. Hey sculpting perfection takes time, and my goodness it takes longer these days, not too mention cost.

Oh well, the battle starts now xx

Nearly the weekend !!

Thursday, not a very inspiring day but had a great session at the gym.

Oh it's gets harder and harder, one hour in the gym with a trainer pushing you every step of the way. Motivational, yes, but not very glamourous! And how my body lets me down again and again. I'm sitting on the mats with my trainer kneeling on my feet while I'm trying to do sit ups, and all I'm desperately trying not to do is fart. It's not enough that I'm sweating like mad, the mornings makeup is well and truly spread across my face, well what's left by 8pm, my hair is scrapped back into a ponytail, my fringe sticking up and dripping wet with sweat and I smell but now my lonely stomach decides to contribute to my situation. What can I do, as I attempt my sit ups desperately holding in, stomach,neck and my pelvic floor I fail to stop my bottom from expelling a little fart. Oh how embarrassing. You can't even blame it on anyone else!

Oh well, human I am perfect I'm not, as it's killing me trying to work on what I have, guess i will be back next week.

Xx

Where has this week gone?

I can't believe it's wednesday, when did that happen, I closed my eyes for one night and the time zoomed by. That's how life feels most of the time these days, processes of getting through certain tasks, I have to do this, go here etc etc then you suddenly catch a breath and realise you've lost days. Trouble is those days make up my life, and did I enjoy the journey?

Tonight was fun, Halls Green book club, a slice of village life. A mixture of ages, different personalities, and all the different querks etc that make us all different. Young, old and not so young but hanging on for dear life. But tonight was mostly lots of chat, wine and nibbles and the discussion on the book of the month, Trollope, no not the book the author. general view the book was ok, did not set my world on fire but it was alright. Chidrens book next month, should be able to manage that.

See you soon xx

Day after Sunday

Heaven on a Monday is my lovely hubblie bubblie cooking a pie with left over chicken roast dinner, all by himself, with puff pastry!! How thoughtful, I wonder what he will do next he never stops surprising me. I wonder if it will be a Dior handbag next? Now that is a way way past your heart and I would be sooopp grateful.

Guess I shouldn't be so materialistic but what's a girl to do with all those lovely bags in the shop homeless, and I like to do my bit for the homeless! Bags have feelings!!

Have a great week, I am xx

Lovely lazy Sundays

Oh how I love Sundays!

Today has been fun, after a fab night with good friends, too much wine, chat and good fun, woke late with a bit of a hangover, then a cooked breakfast, what a treat. I collected my new company car, it's not brand new unfortunately but a bigger, better replacement of a hot magenta fiesta which hurt my bum when driving any distance. So now I have a one year old, silver VW Passat, it's ok a little boring, but hopefully won't hurt my bum.

Then a family Sunday dinner, laughter, noise and lots and lots of chat, not to mention a lovely dinner. You can't beat a family dinner, all sitting round the kitchen table catching up on snippets of everyones life. I hope things like this continue for many years, oh the contentment of family life, punctuated by trials, dramas and celebrations.

Now the beginning of a new week, to live and be loved xx

Sweet sweet weekends

Oh I love weekends, it's what rounds off a boring week. This weekend is packed full of good good friends, good food, wine, fun and spending all my time with my lovely hubbie. It's not that I'm in the heady early youth of my marriage, coz I'm proud of the fact that we are now even way past the maturing of a good wine, in fact a double murder sentence would have even passed, 29 years. My god that makes me sound sooooooo old. Buy hey I must admit I never thought it would be this good. Sometimes I think it's got to all go wrong, and yes some days it feels a bit yucky but in the main it's fab. Do you think we will see another 29, that would make me 82 heeee heeee, and probably looking lie Bettie Davies in who loves baby Jane. Now I'm showing my age.

Anyway back to the weekend, packing as much as I can into every hour, except when I'm having a lye in, oh I love my bed in the mornings, see still a teenager, can't get up.

Max it to the limit and loving it all the way.

Xxxxx

Only Wednesday

The beauty of a blog is that you can write what ever you like, in fact I never know what I'm going to write until I actually start, but my gorgeous hubbie complains that my poor spelling is terrible. But how do I know how to spell words when I'm not sure what words I want to use. But it's so liberating firing off words into the great www knowing that know one is actually going to read my dribble, but it's very therapeutic writing what ever you like and sending it off into the world. But hey I love my hubbie to bits, so guess he has my best interest at heart.

Anyway it's wednesday, mid week thank goodness. After another dull day in the office, I feel my life force is being sucked out of me, in the silence of a lonely open planned office. The only exciting thing that happened was my mobile phone sung out it's ring tune Me and Mrs Jones very loudly, I got a few disapproving looks by the grey bods that occupy desks on my floor. Oh well, at least someone wanted to talk to me.

Live it, love it, always xx

Tuesday

Another fun day in the not so fun factory. Why is it when I start the day by not getting a seat on the train, forced to stand between to men standing in the way of any hand rails I'm forced to try and balance all the way by using my core muscles (Which are still sadly in need of work) despite my attempts to get to the gym. But the day ended with my good intentions going to waste as I attempted to get to the gym but, couldn't park, so a bowl of soup and the dog instead on the sofa. Even the dog is trying to kick me off the sofa, with her dreaming fits of running, mind it's the only running she does these days.

But my biggest joy, an evening on my own with the remote control, heaven.

Oh I hope tomorrow is a lot more fun.

Xx

Another Monday

There is nothing more awful than ending a weekend with yet another grey, cold Monday, commuting to the city of London, and not having time to grab a coffee at the station, before being crammed into a train carriage with other miserable commuters. And, then to spend a day in silence in a depressing office, with the constant whirling of air conditioning, making me even colder. Is this how I'm going to celebrate the last 5 months of my life in my 40's before I hit the big 50!

No...... I'm going to pack so much into the next 5 months and blog my way as I hurtle to 50, and it's going to make me spin.

With a bucket list of 50 new things to achieve this year, my blog will document every little hurdle, event and frantic fun filled days and nights. Do I care if anyone will read it no! But hey this is for me and about me.

Enjoy if you dare, the dribble of a wild women, hurtling towards 50.

Love it xx