I've failed

Oh so what was going to be so easy, offering your home & life to your patents, so there life was easier and in the reach of everyone that loved them. But, hey some people don't want that, guess their afraid of giving in, letting others care for them, perhaps admitting that they are now not the big man they once were.

So as you can guess it all went wrong! What started slowely as let's look at the options, explore the benefits well this sales women failed to sell ice to Eskimos this time. Dad was having none of it. He started in a huge negative bubble which just grew and grew, even if I agreed I was wrong, if I disagreed I was so wrong, there is a point when you go ok but hey that wasn't even enough for him. He had to say such hurtful things that I had listened to on too many occasions, I'm selfish, take too much interest in my job and wasted my time with not offering any help to him and he didn't know why I was there. Quote "I don't know why you bothered coming, you haven't done anything you said you would, all your interested in is your job and shopping, you should not of come". So all the shopping to buy mums clothes at his request, packing and sorting wardrobes, clearing the loft, cooking, cleaning, washing etc etc if that's me being selfish then it's time to say goodbye. Every conversation is an argument, but I didnt bite, I kept my mouth shut, but heard too much.

I just kissed him and said " you've hurt someone who loves you for the last time, goodbye"

But as I now sit in a hotel room crying my eyes out all I can remember is mum, her confused
face and asking why I was leaving, I kissed her and said I loved her and would see her again"
She will be upset, but tomorrow not remember, she won't even know who I am, that's a stab in the heart, she asked me today if I had any babies!!

BuT the memory will stay with me forever, as I try and type this through blurred tears I just hope that one day I will be able to take care of her, even if she doesn't know who I am, I will know.


At least type doesn't smudge from tears xxxxx

Next challenge

Well it's time to fly over to the states, pack mum & dad up and bring them home. It isn't going to be easy, and dad is finding Every excuse under the sun not to come home, but he do needs to be cared for. I totally understand that he feels it's giving in, resigning yourself that you are actually old, but I get so worried about them on their own. It's not going to be roses, and the next few months, years are going to be expensive and hard, but at least we will all be together. Oh and just as Rich and I were enjoying our time together.

Mum bless doesn't understand, I'm abit nervous of taking her on the plane, I will have to help her relax with a little drug therapy.

So fingers crossed, pull up those flight socks and get on with the job in hand.

Ohhhhh dear xxxxxxx

I feel like poo!

Yet another cold come flu, whatever. I'm sick of feeling poo, I slept all da yesterday, that's the first time in ages that I've stayed in bed, just felt terrible and could not drag myself out of bed. It's amazing that when your unwell how you can just snuggle up in bed and let the world pass you buy, and you don't care.

We still have masses of snow, and now it's snowed again the snow has been snowed on, it's so cold that when you walk on the snow it's crunchy, not crisp and soft, all hard and Icey!
I think I would like to be a bear and hibernate all winter, especially as bears hibernating dont need the loo. Now that would be fab, never getting up in the night to go to the loo.

Oh well guess I'm stuck as a human and will have to snuggle on sofa with hubbie instead, oh he's asleep all ready :(

Winters arrived

Theres something really nice waking up on the first snow day, pulling back the curtains and seeing a blanket of snow over everything. It brings childhood memories of the excitement of a fun day, building snowmen, snowball fights, cold wet hands, stinging faces and chapped lips, hang on, from memory it wasn't that much fun now I think of it. But, hey back to good feelings, a sudden urge to phone work already and say I'm snowed in until March, well it's the age of etechnology now I can really try it out. I mean do I really need to get up early tomorrow, dig the car out, could do it today but it might snow again! Stand at a cold drafty Tain station waiting for a delayed train, getting too hot while standing all the way to London. So yes, I'm going to embrace the etechnology, I might even webex my meeting tomorrow, and stay at home in the warm.


So anyway on with Sunday, hubbie snuggled next to me on the sofa, might finish off the Christmas chocolates and watch a few films. Good times xxxx

Mum & Dad's

Well the next cycle of life has begun, I'm now faced with parents problems. Care homes, nursing homes, retirement flats or just a bungalow, just as Seb has moved out and Roch and I can spread our selves out in the house, my patents are filling the void. Don't get me wrong it's not their fault and I love them to bits but please just a few years of excersing the benefits of being an adult before I start crumbling myself, before I know it Seb will be looking out for me. But I wanted to walk around the house naked, well if I felt like it! I want to put on my pjs at dinner time, choose what I want to watch on the telly, turn the music up and pogo round the lounge if I feel like it. Get drunk in the afternoon and eat chocolates for dinner and bonk Richard on the kitchen floor while burning the dinner! but oh no stop, that aint going to happen. My next role has begun, carer of the crumblies, manager of their move to the UK and seller of their house, not to mention medical arranger.

Sorry I don't mean to moan, and I wouldnt have it any other way, I love them to bits and it might sound sad but I am looking forward to them being a bigger part in my life. It's just fuled with fears of acting like a teenager again as I have spent all my adult life with my parents in the USA, and I suppose with the realisation that we are all getting older and nearer to the end!

Well I will enjoy time with them, oh to pop in on my way home from work for a cup of tea, simple every day things I've never had the chance to do, so I will make new memories, memories to treasure