How do you carry on?

Well after saying goodbye in a fleeting cuddle, kiss and I love you, I broke my heart. Oh I know very English..... Keeping it together, stiff upper lip etc but I figured a whaling scene was not good and certainly not help my little brother. Now how do I carry on, miles away, job, family etc. My heart is screaming stop, but I know I must keep going. I'm frightened that if everything is too normal I may forget, I don't want to forget. That smile, the laughing eyes and always being there in the background. I've always had a brother don't know how to do it without one...love you xx

Saying goodbye

Some people find hellos difficult yet the real hard part is saying goodbye to people you love, how is it done? A quick throw away see you later or a clamping of hands and arms in am embrace with tears and feelings all mashed together, hoping that someday your paths cross again, I guess the blessing is being given the opportunity to say good bye is precious enough, when sometimes you are not given the time. And how does the person know you mean it and it's a true expression of how you feel? Everyone tells you how to say hello, but know one prepares you for goodbyes.

Goodbye my brother, and see you someday I hope, when we are all at peace and warm from the comfort of our love. Bless you xxxx

My little brother

I don't know what to say, my little brother Andrew is very ill and can't be fixed, how can this be, I feel like everything is unreal. Tomorrow I'm getting on a plane to be with him, what do I say? I can't fix it, oh how I wish I could take all the pain away. I don't have a magic wand, or a magic spell, just prayers and a lot of love. I'm scared, and sad but please god give me strength. Please help me to help my little brother.......

Great weekends with friends and lovers

Oh I feel like we are climbing out of winter and leaping into spring at last, after a fab weekend with friends in Wales, spending time walking in the spring sunshine, drinking far too much champaign and eating great food, I feel that maybe things are starting to turn and you never know there may even be good times ahead, at last, fingers crossed.

But when the sunshine it makes you feel so much better, even leaving work it's light, finially out of the darkness. Just need the temperature to get warmer too, perfect. But please please a good summer. But guess that means Easter, so it's the start of lent, spring boarding into a diet plan. So the ABC starts on Ash Wednesday, it's not that I'm religious, it's just I'm in desperate need of. Strict detox. So starting Wednesday it all starts, but it's a great way to shape up for the warmer weather. Then the defluffing starts, the eyelash tinting, pedicures, etc etc. All in the pursuit of making me look a little better. Hey sculpting perfection takes time, and my goodness it takes longer these days, not too mention cost.

Oh well, the battle starts now xx

Nearly the weekend !!

Thursday, not a very inspiring day but had a great session at the gym.

Oh it's gets harder and harder, one hour in the gym with a trainer pushing you every step of the way. Motivational, yes, but not very glamourous! And how my body lets me down again and again. I'm sitting on the mats with my trainer kneeling on my feet while I'm trying to do sit ups, and all I'm desperately trying not to do is fart. It's not enough that I'm sweating like mad, the mornings makeup is well and truly spread across my face, well what's left by 8pm, my hair is scrapped back into a ponytail, my fringe sticking up and dripping wet with sweat and I smell but now my lonely stomach decides to contribute to my situation. What can I do, as I attempt my sit ups desperately holding in, stomach,neck and my pelvic floor I fail to stop my bottom from expelling a little fart. Oh how embarrassing. You can't even blame it on anyone else!

Oh well, human I am perfect I'm not, as it's killing me trying to work on what I have, guess i will be back next week.

Xx

Where has this week gone?

I can't believe it's wednesday, when did that happen, I closed my eyes for one night and the time zoomed by. That's how life feels most of the time these days, processes of getting through certain tasks, I have to do this, go here etc etc then you suddenly catch a breath and realise you've lost days. Trouble is those days make up my life, and did I enjoy the journey?

Tonight was fun, Halls Green book club, a slice of village life. A mixture of ages, different personalities, and all the different querks etc that make us all different. Young, old and not so young but hanging on for dear life. But tonight was mostly lots of chat, wine and nibbles and the discussion on the book of the month, Trollope, no not the book the author. general view the book was ok, did not set my world on fire but it was alright. Chidrens book next month, should be able to manage that.

See you soon xx