Well I've done it, I've stopped work ....
Ahhhhhhhhhh I hear my head saying ......and Brilliant I hear my heart singing.
So thats it, 1st May no work. I'm technically self employed, so not jobless and they didn't want me to go And, I can get my pension lots of ideas running around my head, but nothing seems right at the moment. So I've got on my bike.
I now have to spend time with me, no one else but me.. so enough I'm going to concentrate on being me, Its a bit scary now as I am responsible for what I do in my life. I decide when I get up, what I fill my day with, where I go etc etc (getting boring JJ).
So my bike riding is now with aim, I'm going to ride from Lands End to John O'Groats. on 10 Sept.. don't laugh I can do it, or at least try hard to do it. Most people laugh and say REALLY. But to be honest thats because they know me, the shallow me who worries about her hair being straight, when I'm getting my nails done and what shall I wear. Well the lycra gear of a cyclist isn't flattering so a diet is a good start, I feel like I've been stripped bear, I'm growing my hair so I can tie it back, I've cut my nails so I can do a puncture repair, and the only shoes I'm buying don't have heals.
So I'm now in training, but the other reason I'm doing this is Andrew - little brother, its 5 years since he died and I think his death really shocked me and got in my head, it started making me question myself and affected my confidence. I had always felt protected, having a family around me, I'd never lost anyone and led a charmed life, not easy but charmed. Suddenly everything changed, and so did people around me. So I'm putting a stop to the last 5 years of smokey hazy living and drawing a line in time, changing things with a new start. So the cycling allows me to think, sometimes think to much but it does make me question myself. Call it meditation, but I am feeling more empowered from myself...at last.
So with the cycling and the blogging I'm going to draw that line in time, challenge myself mentally & physically and decide on the next road. I feel like I'm at a T junction, theres no point in looking back, thats where I've been, so do I turn right or left???
Most of the time I turn left because its easier, I don't have to stop and I can merge in, but perhaps I need to turn right, be noticed and stop the traffic.
Bye for now xx
